Pushing Past the Fear

Well, look at that. Time certainly has a way of passing you by.

Originally I started this as a way to just write about all kinds of thoughts and opinions as they entered my head and I deemed worthy enough to give form to, but somehow I sputtered even before I got going. It’s this fear, or as I read a few months ago on a friend’s blog, the Resistance, that ended up with me not doing any writing, or even other creative efforts, like making photographs and videos.

In short, the Resistance (or Fear, as I like to call it), is that internal set of feelings that prevents you from getting anything done. It is a terrible thing, because after the Fear is done with making you decide on inaction, Regret comes shortly afterwards and tells you off for not doing it and never misses an opportunity to do so.

Now, unlike my friend, Jason, who at one point had an entire series of popular consumer technology websites, I just run a small little camera blog that has just a tiny fraction of that level of popularity. Writing does not actually come easy for me; I suspect this post will eventually take an hour to complete. I would like to blame my time in university for writing reams and reams of reports for killing this interest, but I think it is down to these fears that really cripple me.

So let me follow Jason’s exercise here and list out my own fears on writing:

  1. I’m just some random guy on the Internet writing random things.
  2. There’s nothing I feel can add that’s interesting.
  3. I’m not a very good writer. Who wants to read badly written pieces?
  4. I can’t stand the process of transferring thoughts from brain to text – why is is ¬†so slow (this list has been percolating over an hour now)? Am I stupid?
  5. Not really a fear: There’s always something more interesting to do – look, birdie’s here! Who’s a cute birdie? (Birdie as a matter of fact is next to me now: SO CUTE)

Fears for my more visual pursuits are similar, with my video work sputtering to zero. It’s more or less the same thing: What do I want to tell? I don’t have anything interesting. Video adds the wrinkle that I have less experience with, compared to photographer, and is far more labour intensive as well.

Ultimately, I think, I simply have to do this; good and interesting writing simply doesn’t happen overnight, so I’m going to have to push through and just write. I really don’t want Regret to keep on speaking to me every night. It’s really not a nice feeling. If you’re reading this, apologies for some crappy pieces ahead. Hopefully it gets better! Hopefully anyway.